Not surprisingly, when talking to anyone, be it a friend or stranger, about adding a set of twins into our family, we are met with some shocked faces and well-meaning questions. They usually are some variation of: Are you serious? ANOTHER set of twins? What is that, six kids? Is your house big enough? Is your car big enough? How will you afford them all?
And I totally get it. Honestly, the same line of questions, concerns, and panic washed over me when I found out myself. I had gotten rid of our baby stuff. Cribs, clothes, toys- all of it. I had said multiple times over the last year that I was so happy with our four. I had closed that chapter in my head, and I was okay with it. But, God.
This may sound kind of backward- but in some ways, finding out that we were having not one, but two babies, actually made me feel better about it all. I know, that sounds absolutely insane. But we were not trying to add to our family, and “medically speaking” I should not be pregnant. Yet, I am- with identical twins. (Which, news to me, identical twins don’t need to run in your family- they are a “fluke”). So even though it was a total surprise, and felt really scary- I can’t credit ourselves or even a “fluke” here- it was so evident to me from the beginning the purpose of these babies, our family, was being shaped by the creator of our Universe. How could I not find some peace in that?
Now, I did bounce between total panic and peace often at first. Like, sometimes minute by minute. I am so thankful for my husband because honestly, even though I am sure inside he was freaking the heck out too- he didn’t show it. He was excited right away. That was such a blessing to me because it helped to ground me, and made me feel less guilty about being unsure of it all. I would run through lists of all the potential disasters coming our way, and every single time he would tell me it is going to be okay. He would interrupt me and pray for me. For us, for our babies and all of our kids. And man, that would annoy me sometimes. I would want him to join me in my panic, and he would calmly wait and guide me out of it. I love that man, and I know the father he is has so much to do with why we have been blessed this way.
Now that I have had some time, I genuinely do have peace and even excitement about where our family is headed.
So, is our house big enough? I’m learning to redefine enough. Dj, with a ton of help from his dad and his uncle, has been working hard on remodeling/reconfiguring the lower level of our house to help us function better. It will still be close, but I’m learning to like close. I’m learning less is more, and trying my hardest to get us as organized as possible. (Feel free to throw your fav tips my way)!!
I’ll tell you this.. whether or not our house is “big enough” to ours or someone else standards- I know our hearts are.
The thing I am learning is, it’s not supposed to be perfect. If it were, I wouldn’t need to rely on Jesus. If it were, I wouldn’t be as quick to trust in the moments that were hard. When something (somethings?) beautiful comes from something unknown, something scary, something unexpected- we appreciate the beauty even more. Right now I am seeing just how beautiful this crazy life will be. That’s about all I can do to prepare- prepare my heart. God’s got the rest.